My Angel Jackson

Most of you know about Jackson, but for those of you that don't it is my honor to tell you his story. From the very beginning Jackson had the ability to change people. He had this amazing gift to soften hard hearts, put a sparkle back in someone’s eyes and the most notable, to make everyone smile. Jackson was a lover as well. Always hugging, kissing, and making sure you knew that he loved you. He was enjoying the life of a happy two year old. The month of December 2008 was extremely trying for our family. I had just suffered a miscarriage and we noticed that our Jackson was not his usual self. It was our hope that everyone was healthy for the Christmas holiday. During this time Jackson started having difficulty keeping his balance and was unable to keep anything down. We thought he was just coming down with something. After a trip to the doctor’s office and urgent care we decided to take him to the ER of our local hospital on December 31st. That day will forever be etched in my brain. That is the day my world came to a screeching halt. After an initial exam it was decided that a CT scan was in order. Moments later we received the news that no parent should ever hear. Jackson had a golf ball sized tumor on the bottom area of his brain. My initial reaction was to scream and cry out. Instead I automatically put myself in the role of holding everything and everyone together. I cuddled with my Jackson and let him know just how much he was loved by everyone. Hours later we were taken by ambulance to the Children's Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee (we live in the NW suburbs of IL.) Upon arrival we were completely overwhelmed with questions of family history and what this brain tumor meant for Jackson. It was totally surreal and intimidating trying to make sense of all this new information they were spewing at us. Scared out of my mind we spent our New Years snuggling in a hospital bed closely monitored by the doctors and nurses in the PICU. The following day Jackson had an EVD put in his head to relieve all the fluid and pressure that was causing his symptoms. The day after that my brave little boy went into 6 hour surgery to remove the tumor from his brain. It was a success. The pathology report showed that Jackson would need more than surgery to make sure the tumor would not return. This cancer was serious and needed to be treated with chemotherapy. The full name is called Medulloblastoma. It is rare and hard to treat. Before chemotherapy could start Jackson had another surgery to place a central line. Again, something no parent and child should be exposed to. From January to March we spent many days and nights in the hospital receiving chemo treatments and staying in for sick visits. Jackson didn't even seem to mind when he lost his hair. He took everything in stride. Always inviting his nurses and doctors into his room on 8East to watch a movie, play with play-doh, or just to giggle. Rarely would you see Jackson unhappy. We were very hopeful up until the end of March when during a unusually long sick visit doctors found cancer cells in his spinal fluid. At that moment I prayed the hardest prayer I have ever had to pray. "Lord heal my son or take him home to be with you." I prayed that prayer every night. A week and a half later we were back at the hospital for what I thought was going to be another sick visit. This was the first time I saw my Jackson truly unhappy. His words to me were, "mum I wanna go ni ni." Looking back now I know what he really meant. Less then 24 hours later his dad and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives. Do to unforeseen complications our Jackson was not going to come back to us. We agreed to let our precious baby pass in the loving arms of his mom and dad and surrounding family and 8 East nurses. It was the most bittersweet moment I have ever had in my life. Even towards the end of his battle he always made sure to get a smile and laugh out of you. As his mom I can tell you first hand that this special little boy has taught me way more than I could have ever taught him. He has taught me that we should all follow our hearts. We all deserve what we want out of life no matter what anyone says, every single person matters, and the best lesson, to love one another unconditionally. Even though his father and I miss him dearly, he is still helping us find happiness in everyday. Looking back now I can see that Jackson was our angel here on earth. And now he is our beautiful angel up in heaven watching over us. I am so proud of the impact Jackson has had on all the lives he has touched. He brought a community together and he made us all take a step back and remember what life is all about and how we should live it. It has been 11 months since Jackson’s passing and his legacy is in full bloom. To our excitement the city we reside in dedicated a street to him properly named Honorary Jackson Grabow Way. McHenry High School West Campus had a maple tree planted in honor of Jackson (He was their Honor Child for St. Baldrick’s Day. The students raised money for us as well as St. Baldrick’s.) Next to the tree is a large rock etched with his name and a fitting description,” A short life that inspired many.” I am so proud to be called his mom.
The reason for this blog is simple. I want to share Jackson’s story. I want to let other families know that they are not alone. I want to share how important cancer research is. It is sorely underfunded. There are far too many families that have been affected by this awful disease. We all know what an ugly word cancer is, especially when you add children to the mix. Fundraising is the way to get closer to a cure. It is my prayer that one day parents can put the fear of cancer behind them.
I am excited about starting up fundraising in my area. I want to do everything I can to honor Jackson as well as all the other children that have endured this thing called cancer. I will do anything and everything to make this happen. Rarely would I venture outside my comfort zone, but Jackson has given me the courage to do so. I knew that I would kick myself if I didn't share Jackson's story and how he has changed so many people, and his “mum.” It amazes me that my little angel has touched and changed so many individuals. Basically I am just a mom who wants to spread the amazing gift she was given by her 2 year old son.